I recently did a radio
interview about the Anxiety Camp group program I run here in Ithaca, and
the host asked me a great question: "Everybody feels anxious in certain
situations. So what do you do when you first feel that tinge of fear?"
My answer was a correct one, but not a very good one - partly
because the real answer is more complex than a short sound bite. So now, with a
whole blog to work with, I am going to take another crack at it.
You see, I focus on treating anxiety *disorders* like fears
and phobias. They are frankly not the same thing as stress. And there is a clear, well-established approach for treating these
issues: understand the self-talk about your fears and make it more rational, create a hierarchy of your fears, expose yourself them gradually, and learn to
be fully present as you take these small baby steps, with lots of support and
feedback. Easy peazy. That's why these disorders are highly treatable.
But normal stress? Here was my correct-but-not-very-good answer:
Be aware that your stress is happening before it boils out of control, change
the way you think about the situation (preferably ahead of when your fear
starts to mount), and learn to gradually get used to the stressor.
Here is a longer but much better answer. When you feel
stressed - right now, in the present moment - what lowers it depends on who you are and what the stress is. For example, one person may be working too hard
and needs to relax, while another may be frightened about a health crisis and
needs support. So in addition to the basics above, learn what kind of
"first aid" works best for you and start using it sooner rather than
later. When you feel your anxiety starting to creep up, try one - or more - of
these techniques:
Slow down. This
is the place I like to start. Why? Because anxiety expresses itself physically
through things like shallow breathing, rapid pulse rates, and emotional
overload. Amp down your workload if you can, focus on relaxed, natural
breathing from your diaphragm, give everything more time, and learn progressive
muscle relaxation - try these free
resources . All of these will strengthen most people.
Connect. Some
people calm down by withdrawing to a quiet space, but for others silence can be
maddening - because they gain strength through the fellowship and validation of
others. If you're the latter, get out of the house, pick up the phone, or even
chat online, and harness the healing power of community.
Get moving. Exercise
releases endorphins that improve your mood and your emotional resilience, and
even a walk around the block can re-engage you both physically and emotionally.
Be mindful.
Mindfulness exercises that engage all of your senses - like this one
- are particularly good at dissipating anticipatory anxiety, and help you learn
to observe rather than react to your feelings.
Be grateful. What
has been clinically proven to be the biggest component of happiness? Showing
gratitude to others. Watch this video,
and see if making other people happy lifts your mood too.
Most important of all, remember that everyone is different. One person may find calm at a spiritual
retreat, and another might find sitting in a white robe and staring at a candle
to be like watching broccoli grow - and make them feel more stressed! Gratitude
may be a powerful antidote to emptiness in your life, but do nothing at all if
you are dreading a final exam. Explore who you
are and what works best. And try to stay away from false cures like food or
alcohol if you can - they wear off quickly and eventually cause problems of
their own.
Finally, if you are chronically anxious or first aid isn't
enough, there is no shame in getting a professional involved. Anxiety is very
treatable, and talking with a counselor or physician about it is a sign of good
judgment and pro-active self care. Good luck and have a stress-free week!
